Alfalfa!

The School of Suffering

Suffering is such an unpopular topic in American churches today, yet it is a prominent topic in Scripture. To walk the road of faith is to suffer (at least at times). Actually, simply to walk on this earth is to suffer. C.S. Lewis said, "To love at all is to be vulnerable." The human heart is as delicate emotionally as it is physically. I've been pondering this subject of suffering lately. Until a year ago, I could not claim that I had suffered.......struggled - yes, been hurt and disappointed - yes, gone through difficult seasons - yes, but suffered? No, not really.

The school of suffering is a harsh place with a rigid curriculum. Classes run all day and well into the night, often all throughout the night. Meals are unappetizing. Recreation is little to none. Pop quizzes can come at anytime and be for a totally different class than the one for which you were studying. For all its rigidity, there is no structured schedule. The bell rings to usher you to your next class while you are still responsible for learning the material in the first one. The school of suffering is also a rough school. There are gangs that are constantly trying to keep you from learning your lessons and ever graduating. They prey on you when you're at your weakest. They watch carefully for times when you are vulnerable and then they attack with full force. They steal your books and notes when you're not looking and then you have nothing with which to prepare for the test you know is coming. The school of suffering is not for the weak, the passive, the complacent, the lazy, (dare I say it?) - for the wordly. The school of suffering takes grit, determination and perseverance.

Each person's tenure in the school of suffering is different - some are only there for a few days, other's, a lifetime. Sometimes, classes must be repeated. Summer-school doesn't exist, because the school is year-round. There are no spring breaks, fall breaks or Christmas holidays. Sometimes you graduate from one school safe in the knowledge that you have learned all there was to know, only to be transferred to a different school where you must acclimate yourself to all new classes.

There are times when graduation day seems close and other times when it seems that it will never come. Yet, graduation remains the focal point, the goal. That day when you can don your cap and gown, walk across the stage and receive your diploma which states your completion from the school of suffering. The Headmaster will look you in the eye, shake your hand and proclaim, "Well done, good and faithful servant. You will never again have to enter the school of suffering."

Home!

Today marks the end of my "blog therapy." Thank you for reading and re-living this experience with me. It has been difficult and therapeutic to put all we went through into writing. Yet, there is a huge part of it that can never be expressed in words.

The last week of Peter's hospital time was fairly uneventfull. Our biggest issue was feeding. Peter slowly began eating better and also keeping his food down as the chest congestion cleared. The last weekend we were there, Alana came up and stayed with us. It was wonderful to have us all together again and I really think it helped Peter. As soon as he saw her, he gave her a great big grin! His eating took a big turn that weekend also. We were discharged on a Monday and Peter slept through the night for the first time that night. He continued to recover well at home.

Looking back, Tom and I have thought and talked through the whole experience in many different ways. I don't think we'll ever stop talking about it. However, we do have one favorite way to put into words what happened - we got to hear the Lion of Judah roar!!!

Siblings

One of my favorite parts of parenting this second go-around is watching the relationship between these two. Part of the reason is probably because it's something I never got to experience (being an only child). Alana is Peter's hero. He loves and adores her. And aggravates her too. I took these pictures Sunday morning. Alana was showing Peter her Bible.

Fifteen Months

Peter is 15 months old today! I can't believe it. He is walking, desperately trying to talk, only taking one nap a day, and he doesn't take the bottle at all. This weekend, Tom and I kept watching him play and realized he is truly not a baby anymore - he's a toddler. Seeing your children grow is so bittersweet........

Back to my "blog therapy" - the second week of March last year, we hit a big setback. All turned out okay, but it could have been much worse. Another example of God's mighty hand upon Peter. Here's a recap:

March 9 - A pretty quiet day overall, however this day Peter began to throw up periodically. This was a problem that stayed with us for a long time. He was doing pretty well with eating, he just couldn't seem to keep it down.

March 10 - This day Peter was moved up to the 8th floor and out of ICU. We were thrilled. One of the nurses told us this was our last step before home. Peter continued to have trouble keeping his food down.

March 11 - Another fairly quiet day with still the continued problem of Peter keeping food down.

March 12 - Peter was very sleep this day, but other than that, showed no signs of anything wrong. Late in the evening, the nurse came in to take his temperature and it was over 104 degrees - very scary. It had been awhile since I had experienced that wave of shock and grief, and it overtook me again. They were able to get his temp down with Tylenol, but it was a rough night for us all.

March 13 - In the morning, Peter had a series of tests (EKG, echo, X-ray), to determine the source of his fever. Also, they pulled his Broviak (central line) because the tests came back normal and that was their best guess as to the source. Poor Peter had a bad day. He was messed with all day and they had to put an IV line in since they pulled out the central line. In the afternoon, the results from his blood cultures came back showing positive for an infection in the blood (our worst fear). They immediately started him on three different "powerhouse" antibiotics.

March 14 - Peter had a better day this day. He showed no more signs of the fever. The only issue we were dealing with was feeding. Peter was still throwing up fairly often. The Dr.'s (and us) felt this was largely due to all the mucus still in his lungs that was trying to work its way out. They began a strenous series (every two hours) of breathing treatments to try to get this mucus cleared up.

Later in the week, we met with the infectious disease Dr. a few times and she determined that the blood infection was probably the result of that central line. The germ had been isolated, and it was one that we all carry in our "gut." This germ had travelled through Peter's central line to his heart and infected his bloodstream. Thankfully, they caught it early, pulled out that line and treated it. Again, this could've been MUCH more serious. More amazing grace......

Just Some Good-Lookin Kids!

As I've been reliving our time from a year ago, I have completely forgotten to mention that Peter is WALKING!!!! Not a lot, but more each day. Yesterday, he took about 10 steps unassisted across the room to me. I think he would walk even more if he didn't crawl so well. Why walk when you can crawl faster??? Enjoy the pictures! I love these two kids more than words can say. Have a good weekend!

Peter's Tests

Peter's tests couldn't have gone any better today. He fell asleep on the way to the hospital (probably because his blood sugar dropped from not having anything to eat). Of course, he screamed through the chest X-ray, but he got over that pretty quickly. The real reason today went well though, is because they were able to get going with the sedation immediately following the chest X-ray. When we had these same series of tests done six months ago, there was a 2-hour delay. In recovery, Peter woke up well and drank some milk right away. Since then, he's drank A LOT more milk, had a snack, and even ate a full supper (for him). He's a little grumpy and VERY tired, so he'll be in the bed soon.

Peter's primary cardiologist was able to do the echo today and he called a little while ago with the results. Basically, things look about the same as they did six months ago (which is good news). The artery is still on the small side, but no significant narrowing. The pressures in Peter's heart are good and the flow is about 57-43 (60-40 last time) - this is still normal. I did ask the Dr. if we can put this more behind us the further away we get from surgery and he said no. He said we won't be able to stop monitoring that artery until Peter is fully grown.

We are so glad this day is over! Thank you all for the prayers. It was difficult for us to be back down there at this time of year - brought back a lot of memories.........

Amazing Grace

This week last year was filled with a few setbacks, but on the whole, tremendous progress. Here is a quick recap:

March 1 - A quiet day.

March 2 - Dr. Watts closed Peter's chest after it being open for one week.

March 3 - Peter's right lung collapsed from all the build-up of fluid and "gunk." He had to have surgery to clean out the gunk and re-inflate the lung.

March 4 - Another quiet day.

March 5 - All of Peter's chest tubes were removed and several IV lines. Also, he was able to come off all heart medications.

March 6 - Big day! Peter was able to be taken off the ventilator and Tom and I each got to hold him for the first time in 10 days. I will never forget this day. Peter's raspy cry sounded so sweet to our ears. Tom and I kept thinking, "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound......"

March 7 - This was a tough day. On the whole Peter was doing well, but he was having withdrawals from being on so much morphine for so long. He was grumpy, fussy, miserable, and there was no comforting him. This was especially difficult for me because I wanted so badly to be able to comfort my baby after all he had been through. Tom and I went home this night and spent the night with Alana and went to church the next day. It was refreshing for us both, yet difficult to leave Peter at the hospital.

March 8 - The morning and early afternoon were still rough for Peter as he was continuing to have withdrawals. However, he took a long, undisturbed nap in the afternoon and woke up in a much better mood. He began to smile and coo at Tom and me! This was a big moment for us. We had our Peter back! Later that evening, they moved Peter down the hall to the slightly less intensive care.

*********************************

Please remember to be in prayer for Peter and us tomorrow. We have to be at the hospital at 10:30 for Peter's chest X-ray and his two other tests (under sedation) are scheduled for noon. We are dreading the morning with a hungry toddler. Please pray for no delays and for Peter undergoing sedation. Last time, they were able to keep him sedated using only gas (no medicine) and I'm praying for that again. Also, please pray for the results. We probably won't know the results for up to a week, but I will post as soon as we find out. I will also post quickly tomorrow to say how the day went.

The Most Beautiful Girl in the World

I couldn't post about this time last year without saying something about Alana's journey through it all. Like us, she was thrust into a whirlwind of chaos and confusion. We protected her as much as possible from the seriousness of the situation during those very difficult days, but I have no doubt that she sensed the tension in us all. She is a very astute little girl. She spent almost the whole 5 and a half weeks that Peter was in the hospital with my parents. At this particular time last year, she contracted a terrible case of strep throat. She fought through without complaint and desperately tried to have a good time spending the night with "the girls" - twin daughters of my close friend that Alana dearly loves and admires. I remember it was so difficult because I wanted to be with my poor, sick little girl, but I couldn't. We had snow and Tom and I were stuck at the hospital. Alana was such a trooper.

After we all came home and Peter was recovering well, Alana shed a lot of tears. I have felt so sorry for her because she had to deal with the shock and confusion of this experience without the advantage of maturity. I love this sweet girl more than words can say. She is my joy and delight!