Knock on the Door

This has been a rough week for me. I'm not sure exactly why, but grief over what we went through a year ago has washed over me as freshly as if it just happened. There is probably a combination of factors - all these anniversaries, the many memories flooding back as I write about my experience, etc. Who, but God, can know all the reasons? The human brain and psyche is a complex thing that only He comprehends because He alone created it.

Although I haven't come to this part of the story yet (it is the part I dread to recall the most), I had some thoughts today that must be shared. I have told people this week that I will NEVER recover from the knock on our door at 3:00 a.m. after Peter's open-heart surgery. That knock forever changed my life. Isn't that kind of knock every parent's worst nightmare? Whether you are like us sleeping in a room in the hospital with your child teetering on the precipice of life and death, or whether you are home in your bed with your teenager out on the road at night without you. The knock that can change your life in an instant - it changed mine. My faith was stretched to all new levels after that knock, and the enemy has used every opportunity to insert fear. The battle not to be afraid has become a daily one for me.

It dawned on me today that I can choose not to be defined by the the knock on our door at 3:00 a.m. on February 25, 2009. I can choose to be defined by a different knock on the door. A bigger knock on the door. Another life-changing knock on the door. The Scripture came to my mind, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Those are the words of my Savior. Those are the words of Jesus. Even better, let me put those words into context:

"I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint your eyes, so that you may see. Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent. Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me." Revelation 3:18-20

Jesus is standing at the door, knocking. His counsel is for me to buy the gold that has been - and will continue to be - refined by fire. The result of this is that I will be rich, clothed, and I will have eyes to see. That, in itself, is worth it, but it gets even better - BECAUSE HE LOVES ME! Enough said.